The Cruelty of Fate, and The Kindness of Strangers

When I was 14, my parents were involved in a very, very serious car accident. My Father nearly lost his hand, and because he's a plumber, roofer and gas-fitter by trade, this was bad. But it was my Mother that copped the worst of it. She broke her neck, or, to be more accurate, basically crushed one of the discs in her neck out of existence. She was hospitalized for six months, and was told by the doctors that she was the only person with those injuries they'd seen that could still move her legs. She did, however, suffer a lot of nerve damage, and to this day can barely move because those nerves keep sending pain signals to her brain 24/7, and it's my job (and I do it gladly) to care for her and try and give her at least some quality of life. But a very nice thing happened that helped her a lot, so if you'll follow me after the jump, I'll tell you how the kindness of gamer-strangers helped her a great deal.

(No) Breakfast at Sweetheart's

First off, I want to apologize to the other contributors, especially Scoot, as this post isn't especially nerdy, but a lot of good things have been happening for me, and this is a story I feel I can tell, as is doesn't sting quite so badly these days. If you're looking for a typical Tao post, feel free to ignore this short story, but if you'd like to hear about how big of an oblivious idiot a man can be, follow me after the jump.

A Reminiscence Playlist: The Best of Times, The Worst of Times

A picture of me, taken in '99

To this day, the most defining time in my life was the summer of the year 1999. Just a note for Northern Hemisphere readers, summer in the Southern Hemisphere (I live in Australia) is the months of November, December, and January. And it truly was the best of times, and the worst of times; the best, because I'd just quit high-school, and the world seemed full of possibilities, Christmas was just around the corner, and because I live in a town that's fifty meters from the beach, this makes it a popular destination over the Christmas break, and the town population increases by a factor of ten. What this means is that there are tourist girls a-plenty, and on Christmas day and the week after it, they show off their new bikinis they've been given as Christmas presents; it was a tradition among my drinking buddies to hit the beach on Christmas day at around 11am, beer cooler in tow, and we'd ogle all the lovely ladies and their new attire.

But it was also the worst of times. Mental illness was starting to be the predominant factor in my life (I suffered from severe depression, and also what one psychologist described as "the worst case of Panic Disorder I've ever seen.") I started to self-abuse: I'd start drinking as soon as I woke up (being utterly, utterly wasted was the only way I could leave the house due to the panic disorder), I'd cut myself, then moved on to burning myself. I have to explain why I did those things, as I think we've all seen how self-abusers are treated on the internet; how they're referred to as 'emos' and that they only do it for attention, etc, but I did it because I was in such a dark and painful place that hurting myself was the only way I could feel anything; also, holding a lighter under your arm for thirty seconds, apart from giving 3rd degree burns, focused my mind and brought me out of The Pit, if only for a short time.

My Complicated Relationship With Neon Genesis Evangelion

To say I love Neon Genesis Evangelion (from here on out to be referred to as EVA) is an understatement. It is one of the few things that fundamentally changed my life, in ways I’m still discovering to this day, around 13 years after I originally saw it. However, the only thing I feel as strongly as my love for the show is my hatred for speaking about it.

Anticiwaiting: Is It Worth It?

If you're a human over the age of ten, you know about waiting, in the same way you know about breathing and eating. (If you're not human, than allow me to be the first to welcome you and point out which meatsacks you should kill first, my Metal Overlord.)

My Topless Robot Daily List

Here's a link to the daily list I did for my favorite website, Topless Robot (www.toplessrobot.com) Many thanks to Rob Bricken for accepting it!
http://www.toplessrobot.com/2012/02/the_6_best_videogames_starring_the_aliens_from_ali.php

The Invasion of Evans Head

***THE INVASION OF EVANS HEAD***

CHARACTERS:

Alien

John

Pencil

Marion

Aaron

(Yes, these are all actual people that live in my town, and I'm using their real names. And yes, there is actually a guy named Pencil. He owns the pub.)  The play starts after the jump!

Bringin' The Funny: Genesis 19 Lecture

Anger Getting The Better of Me (And Why I Hate It When It Happens)

Usually, with this blog, I try my best to be funny. For those unfortunate few that have to suffer through my attempts at humour, it's probably a little disconcerting that I classify that drivel as 'comedy'. And I gotta be honest: I'm just gonna rant. it won't be productive, you won't learn anything, and it'll probably ruin your day. In short, it's everything writing shouldn't be. But I'm still typing, so let's see where this idiocy goes...

More From Me @ The Tao of Scoot

There's another post up at The Tao of Scoot (http://scooteratreides.blogspot.com/) concerning my obsession with taking thousands of screen shots of any games I play using MAME or SNES emulators. If there's a game you can think of, no matter how obscure, I guarantee I have at least twenty screen caps of it. So if you ever need pics of a game for an article or whatever, let me know and I'll zip 'em and ship 'em. 

More From Me (On Display Elsewhere)

I just finished a two-part piece entitled 'The Appeal of Videogame Music For the Older Gamer' for the website The Tao of Scoot. It can be found at http://scooteratreides.blogspot.com/. Many thanks to Scooter Atreides for letting me post on his site.

Team-Up of the Century: Shadow Filter and The Tao of Scoot!

Hello all, just a note to let you know I'm extremely proud and privileged to have become a regular contributor for the awesome geek blog The Tao Of Scoot (http://scooteratreides.blogspot.com/) run by the excellent author and pop-culture connoisseur Scooter Atreides. It's a blog that deals with everything that's awesome, i.e Anime, Transformers, 80's cartoons, and pretty much anything that invites geeky obsession.
Hope to catch you there!

Deepest, Darkest Secrets Revealed!

In the early days of the internet, confession websites were pretty popular due to the fact that people felt more comfortable sharing their darkest secrets because nobody knew that their IP addressess could be traced, etc. and I developed a hobby of compiling the best ones I could find. I'd completely forgotten I had these until last night, when I was going through some old data CD's I had and I rediscovered them, so I thought you guys might wanna have a look at 'em. Be warned though; there is some FUCKED UP SHIT here.

(Just a quick note: All these were taken from the site http://grouphug.us/. I mention this because I don't want people to be all "Naw, dude's just bullshittin' and this is all stuff the sick fuck made up himself!" so I've provided the link so you can see for your self. Be warned though, over the last few years it's turned into less of a confessions website and more of a "Oh Girl in My Biolgy Class, why don't you know I exist? I've loved you for so long and you won't even look at me. I cut myself every night thinking of you!" -type of place. Anyway, I sifted through and found the hardcore shit just for you, so follow me after the jump!)

Success! I'm now a semi-professional writer!

Pardon the hubris, but I'm so stoked that someone thought my writing was good enough to pay for that I think I deserve to brag a little; and even though I live in Australia, it was actually an American humor website that thought my work was worthy. The reason that's such a big deal for me is that American comedy websites are the Mecca of humorists worldwide, so to be able to go from home-made blog to doing a freelance piece for a reputable website that gets around 200,000 hits a day is just ... I really cannot put into words just how happy that makes me.
Anyway, here's the link to the article, entitled 'Bad Decisions: Doing All Things Crazy and Illegal - So You Don't Have To! '
 http://funnycrave.com/bad-decisions-doing-all-things-crazy-and-illegal-so-you-don%e2%80%99t-have-to/21738/

Finally, I want to give a big shout-out to Luis Prada, because if it weren't for him, none of this would have happened. Thank you bro.
Alright, enough of the sentimental stuff, click on the link above and get laughing!

My God... Just... My God

I'm covered in sweat, tears, and probably more drool than you'd think after seeing 'Literally Captioned New Yorker Cartoons'. (http://www.themonkeysyouordered.com/) Something about the concept, and the solid execution, tickles me in all the right places.

Love, and what it really is.

The death and rebirth of time; the end of an old year, the beginning of a new one, brings out the sentimentalist in me.

I realize that love is, to me, having no money but caring for someone so much you are compelled to share with them your last cigarette, your last piece of pizza, your last beer, all for the benifit of shared and sometimes impared decision-making, and making all the wrong choices and walking all the wrong alleyways in order to make memories that last forever.

A belated, and happy, new year to you all.

A Sincere Apology to the Judge I Exposed Myself To

Your Honour,
                      This is my sincere (court-ordered by you, sexy) apology for exposing my genitals to you.

When The Past Repeats, It Increases In Ferocity

Remember your first nerdy obsession in grade school? Like how your life changed the first time you saw an episode of Transformers, because you had no idea something that awesome could ever exist? From that day on you begged your parents to get you a Transformer for every birthday and Christmas because those transforming robots were all you could think about. And do you remember that rich asshole kid in your class who had every Transformer you’d ever heard of, even though he didn't really like Transformers? He treated them like garbage, but would he ever let you play with them? No way. So you work your way through high school and college, move out of home, get a girlfriend, get a reasonably well-paying job, and painstakingly track down all those Transformers you were denied in your youth, all in mint condition. Then one day, after a particularly crappy day at work, you come home to find that asshole rich kid penetrating your girlfriend with your mint condition Starscream.

What I'm saying is, when life sucks the most, at least it does it in a way that makes you think "Well played, Life. Well played indeed." The sooner you realize that this is the only response that will stop you from putting a bullet in your brain, the better.

That is all.

Think Piece

You know what I like to do? I like to sit in a comfortable chair, stare into space, and think. Although maybe 'think' isn't the right term, because I'm not trying to solve anything, or come to a particular conclusion. I like to hold an idea in my head. I take great joy from this; it's when I feel the most calm, and content. To ruminate on an idea or concept or, like now, a theory...

What's Wrong With Your Face?

I am a man, I am 28 years old, and I cannot grow a beard. Or a moustache. Or mutton chops. Or any kind of facial hair. And this bothers me. Why? For more reasons than you'd think. Follow me after the jump and listen to me talk of a hairless hell...