Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Had to post a link to Avery Edison's Internet Website (http://averyedison.com/page/1), it's poignant, funny, clever, and quite frankly I'm just on fuckin' fire with jealousy. Read a few posts, shut down your computer, and pay attention to how different things seem. It's perspective-alteringly fantastic.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
As we all know, conversations suck, which is why we have the Internet. You can't tell people in meatspace "Lol u r teh suxxor!!!!111!!!1 STFU+go die!!!!11!", because it makes you look like a douchebag. Well, you look like a douchebag when you do it on the web, but it's not like people can physically fuck you up for it. So, if some inconsiderate cock-knocker tries to talk to you for realsies, here's ten ways to just fuck 'em right off.
- "Oh my God, that totally reminds me of that dream I had where there was a baby, and some dude chopped off the baby's head, and then the headless baby started eating a raw chicken with its bloody neck-stump! How crazy is that! Let's fuck now. P.S Your Mum gave me the herp."
- "You think Tom Cruise is a tool? Your Mum said the same thing... when I was taking her roughly from behind. I was giving her anal, is what I'm trying to say. Let's fuck now."
- "Please keep talking to me, I'm waiting for an opening so I can tell you about how I dream of hearing that hot chick on FOX news say 'I have inhabited the body of Shaq, and I ordered a gummi version of me to kiss, and then I'm walking down the street and Jay Leno's driving along and he sees me and he's all like "There's that motherfucker Shaq!" and he tries to run me down but I use Shaq-Fu and cut his car right the fuck in half, and then Jay's dead and I rip off his head and chuck it to some dude and the dude tries to dunk it and I reject it and yell 'SHAQ ATTACK" and just fuckin' slam it out of the area!"
- "I just cannot get enough of the Twilight saga. I really can't. That bit where he's watching her sleep? I so relate to that! I watch you sleep. I like your sheets!"
- "They say that to kill one man makes you a murderer, to kill many men makes you a hero, and to kill all men makes you a God. By my guess, I'm up to the 'hero' part. Who wants to aid my quest for God-hood? Ha ha haaaa, that was a joke. Like I'd ask permission before I burnt every one of you to ashes. Also, let's fuck now!"
- "Just as an aside, I've touched everything in my room with my junk, including that glass you're drinking from. Taste the rainbow! Of cock."
- "Well gee wilickers, I'm in just the rapeiest of moods! It's just a rapey, rapey day! Forcing my genitals inside people really puts the sunshine in even the cloudiest of days! I'm a rapist!"